The Coronavirus has led to an Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up increase not only in deaths, but also of couples who ask themselves: “When should I be breaking up and is it now?” Hundreds of couples working from home began to feel as if they were just getting to know people with whom they have been with for years. They began to wonder when they missed the moment when the person closest to SharekAlomre.com them was a stranger, and they themselves felt like a piece of furniture that did not fit.
As far as I am concerned, I will always think that a good breakup is better than a hopeless relationship where people hurt each other. I do not buy these stories about how you swear you should humbly bear your fate, even if it involves the necessity of hiding bruises under long sleeves or the fear of children hiding under beds. We may have the best intentions, but that does not mean giving up on the saying, “Enough!” when the situation gets out of hand.
On the other hand, I know that breakups are often no solution, because they can result from unstable emotional states, unjustified claims and lost proportions. And it can be put in order. It may be more difficult than building a Death Star out of Lego, but it can still be done.
Nobody can tell you how to tell one case from another, but if you don’t know if it’s time to part, you need to look at five points.
# 1 What do you give and what does the other person give? – Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up
One of the rules of group work is that you always think that only you are working. Sometimes it’s even true. But usually not.
This also applies to relationships. From your perspective, it seems that only you are trying. You are the one who makes most of the money. Spend most of your time with your children. You organize all the outings and remember who’s birthday.
Unfortunately, in any experiment in which partners are asked to “value” their contribution to the relationship, when both parties’ contributions are combined, results are regularly obtained well in excess of 100 percent. We regularly overestimate what we give and underestimate what someone else does because we see our actions up close. Others are hazy.
This changes when you ask yourself questions like: Who is planning to go out? Who cares about order and who does minor repairs? Who takes care of the dog and who takes care of the car? To what extent are you contributing to the common budget? And most of all – what exactly would SharekAlomre change if the other person suddenly evaporated? Could it be easily replaced? Where would it be missing the most?
This is especially important because in today’s world the emphasis is on dividing everything in half: earning money, babysitting, cleaning and everything else. You need to be equally involved in every aspect of the relationship. So we think that since someone is not giving the same as us, then he is not giving anything else. The problem is, dividing in two works well in math, but it doesn’t work well in life. So it is worth learning to notice that even if you maintain the house, often without another person this house would fall apart, or that you may be taking care of all these small and important matters, but it is the great and non-urgent ones that bind them together and give them value.
# 2 When Do You Break Up? When your story no longer matters to you Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up
Viktor Frankl in the book “Man in Search of Meaning” wrote that someone “who actively faces life’s problems is like a person who tears off another page from a calendar, and then carefully puts it back in a folder, where he keeps others, having previously prepared on the reverse, a short note of the nature of an entry in the journal. “
In his opinion, such people do not regret their youth, do not envy others and do not succumb to pressure that they still need more. The reason why this is so is simple – they know they have a whole portfolio of fantastically used days.
It is similar in relationships. Initially, Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up we put in the folder subsequent pages from the calendar, written with pleasure, sex and moments that we want to engrave in our memory forever. At some point, we just start tearing off these cards and throwing them at our feet, not caring about what will be on them.
It does not change the fact that what you have gone through together still has value, even if it is covered with a layer of dust and dirt. So maybe instead of looking at what is now, it is worth digging out together what was and asking: “Maybe we will start putting pages from the calendar back into a shared folder?”
# 3 Is This The Natural Course Of Relationships?
Among the problems that most often relate to different relationships, one regularly arises. It has a working name: “It’s not like the beginning anymore.” Noticing this, many people start to think about breaking up to feel a stomach cramp in the presence of someone else and hope that this time it will be like a drug high.
Only it won’t. As Robert Więckiewicz once said, “each subsequent relationship is the same. Why go through the same thing again? Those mating dances again. And then a crisis again, a massacre. “
People are always a bit commonplace. They begin to need less sex. They lose interest in small, romantic gestures. Contrary to appearances, it is not an expression of lack of commitment, but rather that they feel comfortable. Changing your partner will not change these processes.
Is it wrong? Once upon a time I would have said yes. Today, however, I am getting closer to Więckiewicz’s opinion.
And no, this is not an exhortation to be content with mediocrity in a relationship. We should always fight for the best, but it is worth realizing that you can repeat the first stage of the report over and over again, but it’s a bit like watching trailers. They’re great and they promise a lot, but why not see the whole movie?
# 4 Is This What Is The Normal Between You Two?
The worst thing you can do is drop your soap while in jail. The second worst mistake is making decisions when extreme emotions are felt.
If on a daily basis you feel like a statuette put on a shelf that no one is interested in, but you decide to tie up with someone for the rest of your life under the influence of a trip to Malta, the sound of the sea and a group of hired Mexicans playing your favorite song, you will Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up probably regret this decision .
The same will happen if you decide to break up because of nesting in your M3 during quarantine. Mostly because it’s not your everyday life. This is not your “norm”. This is only a momentary extreme that should not be overly demonized.
Does that mean your feelings are deceiving you? No, but that still means it’s worth taking your time. It is possible that the answer to the question: “When to part?” reads, “When you are in a normal situation.”
# 5 Do you still see advantages in the other person?
When you are sitting on a date, your eyes are not reflected in the other person, but in their full potential. All the advantages and who it can become.
Later it happens much less frequently. Rather, you see somebody’s faults. Shortcomings. Holes as though plastered with putty. Mistakes made.
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John Gottman, who has studied divorce for years, performed a simple couple test. He asked them how they met, and if, despite all the years that followed, they could still speak positively about it, he knew that these people still had a chance. When it was too late, all they could talk about was how big a mistake it was.
If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. What we call love is looking at someone through rose-colored glasses. If you can still put them on and look at someone the way a newly met person longing for a date sees him or her, then you don’t need to cross yourself out.